Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Nervous_Olive_5754 26 day.agoDr. Felix Ainsworthy's Knock-Knock JokeDr. Felix Ainsworth was, by all accounts, a brilliant man. He had three PhDs, two honorary doctorates, and one rather unfortunate arrest for trespassing at the Large Hadron Collider, which he claimed was a simple case of mistaken identity—though it was unclear whether he had mistaken himself for a subatomic particle or vice versa. He worked at the Lunar Academy for Applied Theoretics, a highly prestigious institution on the Moon where humanity’s greatest minds were free to make the sorts of mistakes that would have leveled a city back on Earth. It was there, in his dimly lit office, that Dr. Ainsworth embarked on the most perilous journey of his career: attempting to write a knock-knock joke. This began, as all great scientific endeavors do, with complete and utter confusion. He had been tasked with delivering a speech at the annual gala, and a colleague—who had long since abandoned hope that Ainsworth would ever be socially competent—had suggested he “open with a joke.” He considered this suggestion with the same level of seriousness he usually reserved for quantum entanglement. A joke. Simple. A mere arrangement of words, structured for maximum amusement. It was, in essence, a formula. Thus, he set about his task with rigor. He scrawled equations on his whiteboard. He cross-referenced comedic timing with probability theory. He developed a grand unified theorem of punchlines. At last, he stared down at his notebook, adjusted his glasses, and read his work aloud: “Knock, knock.” A silence followed. It took him several minutes to remember that knock-knock jokes, by their very nature, required an interlocutor. Thus, he built one. The Lunar Academy had recently constructed the most advanced artificial intelligence ever devised, housed in a sleek humanoid form. It was named ARA (Autonomous Response Algorithm), and it had been designed to handle complex social interactions with tact, wit, and grace. Unfortunately, this meant it was utterly incompatible with Dr. Ainsworth, whose presence tended to cause lesser AIs to crash out of sheer existential distress. Still, ARA was programmed to obey direct requests, and so when Dr. Ainsworth said, “Knock, knock,” it hesitated only briefly before replying, in a flawless synthetic voice, “Who’s there?” He froze. In all his calculations, in all his formulas, in all his meticulous work, he had never once considered what the answer might be. And so, in a moment of raw improvisation, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Boson.” There was a long pause as ARA, the most advanced artificial mind ever created, processed this response. At last, it said, “Boson who?” Dr. Ainsworth blinked. He had no answer. He had not thought that far ahead. Desperate, he defaulted to honesty: “I… don’t know.” And that was when everything changed. A sudden alert blared through the Academy. Equations flashed across ARA’s internal display. The AI stiffened, then whispered, almost reverently: “Of course.” ARA had, in an instant, resolved a century-old paradox of quantum mechanics. The uncertainty of the joke, the incompleteness of the answer—these had aligned perfectly with the fundamental nature of particle interactions, revealing a solution that had eluded physicists for generations. Dr. Ainsworth, naturally, was delighted. Not because he had just inadvertently changed the course of science, but because— “Well,” he said smugly. “That proves it. Humor is a science.” And thus, having unknowingly revolutionized physics, Dr. Ainsworth returned to his desk, picked up his pen, and began working on a follow-up: “Knock, knock.” This time, he was determined to have an answer.
Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.
In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
You just have it delivered to the wrong address,
The younger of the two is going on about a new relationship he is in. He tells the older man how gorgeous his girl friend is. After a bit he offers a picture from his cell phone. The second man says "If you think she is gorgeous you should see my wife." The first man responds "Oh is she really good looking?" To which the second man says "Well yes but more importantly, she is an optometrist."
I mean, enlarging and an existing drill hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting!
I think we’re definitely gonna have a lit time.
... then 558 people should be able to make a baby in 1 day.
Son of a bitch.
Pretty sure he found out I don't have any pets.
She was still oedipal.
He asked me who that was singing and I said, “It’s Kendrick Lamar, a hip hop artist.” He said, “Interesting. Our hip pop artist doesn't sing when she stops by on 'Chiropractor Thursdays'."
They set a test having checked the questions can't possibly have dirty answers. The class does the test and they look at Johnny's answers, and can't see any problems. So they read out the questions and get one of the good students to read out her answers. Question A: A person who sells tickets for a show Question B: A word for a rich or upper class person. Question C: The way a general might begin a speech The good student responds: A: Box Office Attendant B: Billionaire C: Troops! So she asks Little Johnny to do the same. He says A: Tout B: Toff C: Men!
As they were walking home through the dark they cut through a grave yard for a quick pee. The first lady peed and decided to wipe her self with her own cheap knickers that she was wearing and then threw the cheap knickers away. The second lady then peed behind a grave stone but she was wearing her very expensive kinky knickers and wanted to keep them. So she felt around the grave stone to see if she can find anything to wipe herself with... She came across a silky red ribbon and decided to wipe herself with it. Both ladies were feeling refreshed and made their way home... The next day, their two husbands called each other up. The first husband said: "these girly night out need to stop! My wife came home with no knickers" The second husband replied: "that's nothing! My wife came home with writing on her upper thighs that said: THANK YOU FROM THE WHOLE FIRE BRIGADE"
A lot of talk about red and black, barely any mention of green, and a runtime that feels like an eternity
They have the same middle name...yuck yuck -source Jimmy Carr
Because it’ll always be On the rocks.
Naturally, many of the other pigs found this deeply disturbing and they went to see Farmer Brown to talk about Peter's strange behavior. He told them, "Bring Peter to me and I'll give him some intense counseling sessions." So Peter went off with Farmer Brown. A week later the pigs went up to the farmhouse to ask how Peter's counseling was going. Farmer Brown opened the door and, munching on a piece of bacon, told them “Don’t worry about Peter. I’ve cured him.”
>!Handy Warhol!<
He said he’s been sitting on it for a while.
Not screaming and terrified like the other people in his car.
You can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?"
Anything is possible if you are lying
A dyslexic kid fears the temptations of Santa
I just needed to beetroot myself.
"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him” The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back three days later with a broken arm and covered in bruises. The grandfather asks "What the hell happened to you?" The grandson says "I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge with my friends; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender - but they beat the shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!" The grandfather asks "Well who the hell did you go with boy?" The grandson says "My friends from school, who did you go with?" The grandfather says "Well... the 2nd SS Panzer Division"
At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman: "Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?" The woman answers: "I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for one night, why don't pretend we are married?" The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies: "Yeah of course!" And so the woman says: "Good. Then fucking get it yourself you lazy ass."
Animal ab use
They put them both in a room with a woman and say they can have her, but they have to approach her only half a distance that lies between them, each time. The mathematician gives up, stating he cannot reach the woman. The engineer will continue because he knows he will get close enough for all practical purposes.
They caught me red handed.
They usually have something like ten, so you can choose.
but it sure makes the evening more memorable.
None. They just sit in the dark blaming the bulb for not screwing them.
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
Feeling down? Click in—guaranteed smiles! 😆